(_) I NEVER HAVE BEEN DRUNK
I don't think you can command a vessel under Admiral Benghazi without a few stiff belts...
(X) I NEVER HAVE SMOKED POT
But some days I am willing to try it.
(X) I NEVER HAVE KISSED A MEMBER OF THE OPPOSITE SEX
There are certain physiological reasons why this is not feasible.
(X) I NEVER HAVE KISSED A MEMBER OF THE SAME SEX
wolfblade's answer surprises me. You've never kissed any male relatives? It doesn't specify a "passionate" kiss.
( ) I NEVER CRASHED A FRIEND'S VEHICLE
Technically, Leviathan doesn't belong to me. And I was on pretty good terms with his Imperial Majesty before the accident.
(_) I NEVER BEEN TO JAPAN
I would also have to leave "I never destroyed large sections of Japan" blank as well, were it here.
(_) I NEVER RODE IN A TAXI
(_) I NEVER HAD SEX
(_) I NEVER HAD ANAL SEX
As opposed to what kind of sex?
(X) I NEVER HAVE HAD SEX IN PUBLIC
It would be somewhat disruptive to shipwide morale.
(X) I NEVER HAVE BEEN IN LOVE
(X) I NEVER HAVE BEEN DUMPED
It's difficult to fall in love with, or be dumped by, beings with the intelligence level of a puppy.
(X) I NEVER SHOPLIFTED
(_) I NEVER HAVE BEEN FIRED
In some cases, the "firing" was literal.
(_) I NEVER BEEN IN A FIST FIGHT
(X) I NEVER HAD A THREESOME
Sex for us has to be in multiples of 2. Odd numbers usually requires a special permit and very expensive equipment.
( ) I NEVER SNUCK OUT OF MY PARENT'S HOUSE
(_) I NEVER BEEN TIED UP (SEXUALLY)
As with a previous question, you can have sex without this step?
(_) I NEVER BEEN CAUGHT MASTURBATING
We don't have a stigma for this. In fact, to obtain a license to procreate on Garillia you have to do this in front of a Board of Inquiry to confirm your virility.
(_) I NEVER PISSED ON MYSELF
For the people who don't check this, you've *never* had an accident in your entire life?
(X) I NEVER HAD SEX WITH A MEMBER OF THE SAME SEX
The permits for this cost even more than for odd-numbered sex groups.
(_) I NEVER HAD SEX WITH A MEMBER OF THE OPPOSITE SEX
(_) I NEVER BEEN ARRESTED
Well, court-martialed. Usually can't go through a year without one good court-martial.
(_) I NEVER MADE OUT WITH A STRANGER
(X) I NEVER STOLE SOMETHING FROM MY JOB
(X) I NEVER CELEBRATED NEW YEARS IN TIME SQUARE
Well, we didn't exactly "celebrate." Unless you count having your ship shot out of the sky by the Legion of Unfriendlies as "celebrating."
(X) I NEVER WENT ON A BLIND DATE
My dates have always had perfect vision.
(X) I NEVER LIED TO A FRIEND
This does not hold true for superior officers, though.
(X) I NEVER HAD A CRUSH ON A TEACHER
Hard to fall in love with a computer terminal.
(_) I NEVER CELEBRATED MARDI-GRAS IN NEW ORLEANS
In our defense, though, we were under the influence of a mind-control device.
(_) I NEVER BEEN TO EUROPE
(X) I NEVER SKIPPED SCHOOL
Why would I? It only takes 30 seconds. And I'd just have to re-do it if I did skip.
(X) I NEVER SLEPT WITH A CO-WORKER
(X) I NEVER HAVE BEEN FISTED AND/OR HAVE NEVER FISTED ANYONE
(X) I NEVER HAVE THROWN UP IN A BAR
But Leviathan has had to perform an atmosphere purge in one.
(_) I NEVER TOOK A PURITY TEST
Another requirement for government service.
(X) I NEVER GAVE A MIDJET A LAP DANCE
Not sure where to go with this one.
(_) I NEVER APPEARED ON "THE PEOPLE"S COURT"
The episode on 65517.132. We were on set, discussing a cameo in a sci-fi tv show that never took place. You can see Leviathan pass by the open back door of the court as the defendant entered.
(_) I NEVER ORDERED MY CREW TO UNPLUG MY FLEET ADMIRAL'S CLONING VAT IN THE HEAT OF A MAJOR CONFLICT
Feel free to copy this into your own journal ,answering the questions for yourself. You are supposed to, at the end, add a new "I NEVER" item to the test.